Friends, Lovers, and Everything in Between | The American Spectator

A situationship is someone you don’t need to open the door for — not even on Christmas Eve — but you can call to go to the movies on any winter Sunday. The situationship label isn’t exclusive. You can have as many as you want. However, once you reach 20 at the same time, if you’re a girl, you become a wild girl, and if you’re male, you’re a dead man.
You don’t have to break up with a situationship because you never really started dating them. They’re just there…
You don’t expect much from a situationship, except that they don’t annoy you and would rather gouge their eyes out than look at someone else. In that respect, they’re no different from a long-term boyfriend. You don’t have to break up with a situationship because you never really started dating them. They’re just there, like the dresser, the roses in the garden, or the trash can. You can call them when you can’t think of anything better to do, and you don’t even have to keep the phone to your ear while they talk — you can drop it in your bag without hanging up and go shopping, which is what you actually feel like doing. That way, you’ll still feel like you’ve spent ages talking to someone important to you. (RELATED: Feminism, the Nose-Ring Theory, and Our Potential Extinction)
A situationship partner is the kind of friend who finds it hilarious that you call her that — because she still hasn’t looked up what it really means. She’s tied to you by everything from borrowing your warm clothes when it’s cold, to managing your phone selfies and your class notes, to getting you in trouble in the summer when someone tags you in Facebook photos surrounded by too many bikinis. (RELATED: The Dating Game v. The Mating Game)
You can love your situationship with all your heart, certain she’ll never leave you alone — except on days when she has something truly interesting to do, like that girls-only party, a visit from her old London friends, playing video games in her room, the opportunity to scratch the soles of her fe…