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2025: Everyone Won, Everyone Lost, and Everything Burned | The American Spectator

The year 2025 embodied horror for both political parties and the world at large. It started when Democrats became the minority party in Washinton, D.C., ensuring their agenda was dead. Similarly, Republicans became Washington’s majority party, ensuring most of their agenda was dead. Misery overshadowed whatever bright spots beamed in 2025. Here are a few highlights sprinkled in with a majority of lowlights.

Highlights and Low Points From the Longest Year on Record

Democracy officially ended on Jan. 20, 2025, when, with the help of Russian collusion (again), Donald Trump became the 47th president of the United States. Several Democrat-appointed U.S. District Court judges issued preliminary injunctions to prevent Chief Justice of the United States John Roberts from administering the oath of office, but Roberts literally overruled them, saying, “Are you crazy?” while Trump’s hand was on the Bible.

Trump also deployed the National Guard to Washington, D.C., to fight crime. Democrats took to the streets to protest the move while simultaneously ducking bullets fired by rival gang members.

February fared worse. The U.S. Senate confirmed anti-vaccination zealot Robert F. Kennedy Jr. to head the Department of Health and Human Services. Kennedy immediately banned all vaccinations and ordered people to remedy themselves by applying leeches. In entertainment news, Saturday Night Live celebrated its 50th anniversary with a special broadcast watched by approximately 12 people.

Trump delivered an address to the Congress in March. He swore in his special guest, cancer survivor D.J. Daniel, 13, to become a Secret Service agent. Daniel received a rousing standing ovation from everyone except the Democrats; however, Democrats sprang to their feet and applauded when their special guest, “Maryland man” Kilmar Abrego Garcia, entered the chamber. Months earlier, law enforcement arrested Garcia, who was minding his own business while trafficking humans, for being in the country illegally.

Michelle Obama gave the world what it never wanted but got anyway when she and her brother Craig launched their podcast, In My Opinion. Obama connected with everyday Americans by complaining about how difficult life was living rent-free in a 55,000-square-foot mansion for eight years and realizing she had to pay for her own groceries.

U.S. Sen. Cory Booker, D-NJ, on April 1 delivered a 25-hour speech on the senate floor, breaking the record held by Strom Thurmond, by not saying anything of importance. In environmental news, 5,000 people needed to be evacuated from the New Jersey Pine Barrens as wildfires destroyed 12,500 acres of woodland. Wildfire rescuers would’ve gotten there 12 hours earlier had they not first flown to California out of habit.

In May, intrepid newsmen Jake Tapper and Alex Thompson released their book, Original Sin, breaking the story of the century: The White House had covered up that President Joe Biden was a physical and mental vegetable during his term in office. Tapper and Thompson wrote there was no possible way anyone, reporters especially, could’ve known this prior to the book’s release. “Nothing indicated President Biden was a stumbling, mumbling avatar of incoherence with a stutter,” Tapper said.

In educational news, Faizan Zaki won the 2025 Scripps National Spelling Bee by correctly spelling the word “éclaircissement,” which means “obscure word used only in spelling bees.”

June 2025 wasn’t the best month for Iran, as Israel and the United States worked in concert to bomb Iranian nuclear facilities, destroying a $1.7 billion investment the Obama administration made in the world’s largest state sponsor of terrorism. Iran didn’t take the destruction of its nuclear program lightly, and attacked a U.S. base in Qatar with peashooters, spitballs, and slingshots, with a keffiyeh- and bowtie-wearing Tucker Carlson leading the charge.

President Trump signed his One Big, Beautiful Bill into law on July 4, permanently keeping tax cuts for billionaires. Bastard! Good luck paying off that $38 trillion national debt now.

Even worse, CBS inexplicably canceled The Late Show with Stephen Colbert despite the show constantly earning $40 million a year. Wait, it loses $40 million a year? Surely Colbert’s brand of hijinks and hilarity aimed at lampooning conservatives couldn’t have cost the network that much money. It might be $50 million? Let’s move on.

In August, in perhaps the biggest event in human history, singer Taylor Swift announced her engagement to the more-annoying Kelce brother who plays football, making the pair even more insufferable.

President Trump met his puppet master, Russian strongman Vladimir Putin, in Alaska to discuss ending the war in Ukraine. Trump praised Putin’s kabuki mask.

Trump also deployed the National Guard to Washington, D.C., to fight crime. Democrats took to the streets to protest the move while simultaneously ducking bullets fired by rival gang members.

September began with President Trump authorizing missile strikes on suspected Venezuelan drug boats. Outraged that the people responsible for trafficking lethal narcotics into the United States were blown to smithereens, Democrats Nancy Pelosi, John Kerry, and Hillary Clinton sailed their yachts to Venezuela, pledging to safely escort future drug runners to American shores.

Someone murdered Charlie Kirk in Utah. Reasonable, clear-thinking people understood that evidence overwhelmingly pointed to left-wing furry Tyler Robinson being the shooter. Conspiratorial lunatics like Candace Owens blamed the murder on Kirk’s friends, family, and Jews. Angry televangelist Jimmy Kimmel blamed an unnamed MAGA Republican.

Speaking of repulsive anti-Semites, in October, Tucker Carlson thought it would be a swell idea to widen the Republican tent by platforming a Joseph Stalin-loving, avowed neo-Nazi named Nick Fuentes. Carlson insisted he was just asking questions, except for the obvious one: “Nick, why do you love Stalin?”

President Trump helped broker a peace deal that released the remaining Israeli hostages in Gaza. Unwashed Columbia University students who wouldn’t shut up about supposed Israeli atrocities against innocent Palestinians opposed the peace deal and were suspiciously silent when Hamas began murdering innocent Palestinians to ensure continued rule.

New York City voters in November handed the keys to the financial center of the world to a capitalist-hating communist. Zohran Kwame Mamdani won the mayoral election on a platform of “free everything by taxing white people.” Shortly thereafter, U-Haul stock skyrocketed.

Virginia voters legalized murdering one’s political opponents by electing Democrat Jay Jones as attorney general. Jones’s texts to a colleague hoping former Republican House Speaker Todd Gilbert’s children would die so long as it advanced Jones’s politics played well in Virginia’s sociopath and ghoul communities.

A rag-tag gang of Somali pirates forwent sailing the ocean blue and instead commandeered Medicaid to pillage the Minnesota treasury of $9 billion dollars.

December was anything but festive. Nick Reiner allegedly murdered his mother and famous father, Michele and Rob Reiner, respectively. Unlike when countless Democrats rejoiced over Charlie Kirk’s killing, Reiner’s murder triggered a near-universal outpouring of grief and anger — with the notable exception of President Donald Trump, who managed to connect the allegedly patricidal murder of the filmmaker to his status as an Trump avenger and Russia-collusion activist.

A radical Islamist father-and-son duo murdered 15 people during an Australian Hanukkah festival. Australian officials immediately stated that Islamophobia has no place in the island nation and would not be tolerated. Somewhere in heaven, Norm MacDonald said, “Called it!

With 2026 on the horizon, it’s a miracle our sacred democracy hasn’t already fallen into a fascist dictatorship the way the pundit Nicolle Wallace said would happen in 2017-2021, and beginning in 2025. Let’s hope she’s never right about anything next year. So far, so good.

READ MORE from Matt Manochio:

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