ROOKE: Insane Question From Husband About Wife’s Affair Exposes Devastating Death Of Western Masculinity

The New York Times published an anonymous letter from a husband grappling with the aftermath of his wife’s extramarital affair, which he knowingly consented to, followed by advice from ethicist Kwame Anthony Appiah.

In the letter to the Times, the husband describes how, about a year ago, his wife asked for permission to have an affair. She framed it as a need for vitality and sexual freedom, and that she knew it would be wrong for her to go through with it behind his back. He agreed because he believed it made more sense for him to consent to this rather than fight about it. He admits to still deeply loving and caring for his wife, but that he experienced intense emotional suffering during her time with another man, adding that it took a toll on both of them.

“What she said made sense to me, and she convincingly assured me this was no threat to our relationship,” the husband wrote.

Peak NY Times is here. pic.twitter.com/FTYeUAkox9

— Gray Connolly (@GrayConnolly) January 24, 2026

Recently, after the wife ended the affair, he says she is openly grieving the loss. And while he empathizes with her in a general sense, he doesn’t feel sorry for her loss, but rather feels relieved that it’s over. And after all of this pain, he still questions whether he should force himself to provide his wife comfort during her grief despite his resentment over her affair. (Sign up for Mary Rooke’s weekly newsletter here!)

Appiah’s advice touched on a very important point, even though it didn’t appear to be what he actually suggested was the culprit behind the affair. He said there was an underlying coercion in which the husband might have felt pressured to agree to avoid conflict and therefore allowed his wife to step out of their marriage.

All of this heartache could have been avoided had the husband better understood his role in his marriage. If your wife is coming to you asking to break your wedding vows, there is no better sign that a schism between husband and wife has taken place. Wanting to avoid conflict in your marriage is a blessing and a curse.

The reality is that married couples fight. It’s a natural part of growing old together and determining the path forward for the family unit. You are not going to agree on everything, and you should welcome arguments as a sign that communication hasn’t broken down. That is not to say you should go around screaming and yelling at each other, but heated disagreements often end up further solidifying the bond made on your wedding day.

Granting permission for your wife to violate her marital vows signals a profound abdication of responsibility and leadership as the protector. A husband’s role in a marriage is critical. He helps ground the emotionally driven female side of their relationship. A husband protects it from obvious harms, like disloyalty and cheating.

While she was the one who suggested the affair, his “yes” set in motion a cascade of emotional detachment and resentment that ultimately led to him sitting emasculated in a corner while she cried over the loss of her lover. His permission communicated to her that their marriage’s integrity is secondary to individual desires, inviting doubt and instability.

Modern society has beaten men down to such a disappointing degree that it’s created a crisis in masculinity, where men are increasingly encouraged to suppress their instincts for protection and assertiveness in favor of passive accommodation to their female counterparts. Men are told to feminize themselves by prioritizing empathy over enforcement of standards, leading to a generation of men who struggle to embody the decisive, protective role that has historically anchored families.

The New York Times is on a generational run:

Last week: “I Let My Wife Have an Affair. Do I Have to Console Her Now That It’s Over?”

Today: “Want to Reach Nirvana? Try a Colonoscopy.” pic.twitter.com/lxbqnK253O

— Steve Guest (@SteveGuest) January 27, 2026

While the problems in their marriage were likely there long before she asked to cheat, he failed the crucial test determining whether he could protect her or not. He helped invite suffering into both their lives by not being firm with her about the commitment they had made to each other. Deep down, his wife’s request for an affair likely stemmed from a subconscious desire for her husband to demonstrate genuine care through resistance and resolve. Women often seek reassurance that their husbands value them enough to fight for exclusivity, to reaffirm that the marriage is worth defending against outside temptations.

If he had told her that there was no way he would consent to an affair, it would have ended that reality, and either they would work to fix what was broken or the relationship would have dissolved.

And no matter how insane it sounds to place blame on the husband for the wife’s affair, you cannot discount the reality that, rather than choosing to be a strong husband, he willingly became a cuckold. His perceived apathy only deepens her restlessness. Still, his weakness doesn’t erase her wickedness.

For sure, the wife holds equal blame in this. If she were so unhappy and dissatisfied with the state of their marriage, she should have communicated this to him. But instead of trying to fix her broken marriage, she chose to blow it up. Even if she hoped that he would stop her before that happened, you can’t excuse her part in this. Not only that, but after he consented, it was her choice to follow through with the threats. At any point before she actually committed adultery, she could have communicated with her husband.

But she didn’t. Instead, she tortured him for a year.  She committed the ultimate marital sin. But after all of this, he still needs someone else to tell him that what transpired here was not ok. You don’t need an ethicist from the Times to tell you (not that he did) that nothing that transpired in this scenario is normal or healthy.

Ultimately, this marriage is yet another victim of modern society’s attacks on masculinity. The result is turning the best parts of life (being loved and loving someone in return) into a war zone filled with pain and resentment. Neither feels secure in what should be the safest place for them. (ROOKE: New Wife Emerges As The True Villain In High-Profile Family Drama)

Still, there is hope. The marriage doesn’t have to end over this. But both of them are now required to do the hard work they avoided before the affair. The ethicist may not agree, but now is the time to fight like their lives depend on it.

Follow Mary Rooke on X: @MaryRooke

Sign up for Mary Rooke’s weekly newsletter here!