Labour Party Identifying As Faragist Suffer Horribly

Labour’s front bench isn’t always as sullen as that. Bridget and Liz looked quite semi-detached, Rachel medicated, Angela brooding, Yvette pickled in her own vinegar – only Wes projecting optimistic confidence. 

The one actually cheerful presence was the Government chief whip who had managed to get a backbench cheer going when their leader goose-stepped into the chamber throwing Nazi salutes (some details enhanced for dramatic purposes). 

Labour’s reaction to the PM’s “Rivers of Blood” speech on Monday showed that he was surrounded by strangers. It needed dealing with. He would rally them with calls for one party, one people, one leader. That would do it. 

“I want to lead a country where we pull together and walk into the future as neighbours and as communities, not as strangers,” he phrased his thought in a modern idiom.

The leader of Plaid, one Liz Saville-Roberts, “called out” the PM for it.  “The only principle he consistently defends is whichever he last heard in a focus group,” she said, almost certainly meaning it as a bad thing. “I ask him, is there any belief he holds which survives a week in Downing Street?”

“Ja, der Glaube, dass sie völligen Unsinn redet!” the PM screamed at her across the floor of the House (see above). Rachel Reeves laughed. She was taken by surprise, and surprise is the essence of humour. Keir Starmer making a joke surprised everyone. 

Two-thirds of the Labour backbench clearly took Liz’s side. They find themselves in a party inspired by Enoch Powell. They are yet to realise that a socialist party inspired by a nationalist, has proven electoral appeal. Maybe they’ll come round to it closer to the election.

For there is an even more senior devil in Labour’s demonology than Enoch Powell.

“Nigel Farage!” the Speaker called, and there he was, with his sunshine smile. He laughed at the PM that the Reform party was alive and kicking (Keir Starmer’s communication objective of the day was that the Conservatives were dying, a dead party walking, a project that was finished). “We very much enjoyed your speech on Monday,” he beamed. “You seem to be learning a very great deal from us.”

Labour’s collective intestine twisted inside them. How they hate the thought that they are all Faragists now. They might have to smile. They hate that most of all. 

Farage said that since the speech – a bare two days ago, that is – “1,000 undocumented young males have crossed the English Channel,” and then in a measured and rather deadly way asked whether it was time “to declare the situation in the English Channel a national security emergency.”

This idea is ignored by all for now, but every immigrant outrage will add to it. Remember that the small boats in the Channel were also ignored by all until Farage forced them into the news schedules. 

The PM rested his reply on “terrorism-like powers to law enforcement” to stop boats ever getting to Britain. The answer reassured the Reform MPs that they would shortly  be joined by 200 others of their ilk.

And will they be facing, on one side of the House or the other, Keir Starmer?

When they started out, Keir and Kemi were equal partners at the despatch box. Both duffers, both wooden enough for Thunderbirds. We were told that the stuffy white middle-aged male wouldn’t be able to deal with a young, spirited, WoC.

As it turns out, he has not only got the hang of her, he has in the process, discovered his inner brawling barrister. He has memorable lines. He makes unscripted rebuttals. He actually answers more questions than he doesn’t. He has evolved. So, even though he is presiding over a confusing, contradictory  and probably catastrophic government, I wouldn’t necessarily bet against Keir Starmer at this stage. 

Because if Labour do decide to refresh the leadership 18 months from the next election, it won’t be Wes who gets it. If Dan Hodges is right, it’ll be the beautiful, brooding, patient Angela Rayner. 

With that in mind, we must remember the old adage, “If you think things can’t get any worse, it’s just a failure of the imagination.” 

The question being – is national bankruptcy a price worth paying for a generational wipe-out of an Angela-led Labour party? 

All true Tories are united on their answer to that. 

It’s why the PM may be right about their life-prospects.