This post is adapted from Mr. Right’s weekly newsletter, which tackles modern manhood for normal guys in a not-normal world. If you have not already subscribed for free, please consider doing so here.
What does it mean to be a hero? What does it mean to act heroically?
In the modern world, where many of us are insulated from wars and violence, these are tough questions to answer. In antiquity, acting heroically usually entailed dying a good death, i.e., dying in battle without acting like a coward. You were a hero if you charged into a line of enemy soldiers and took a spear to the chest. But in 2025, who among us will ever have the opportunity to fight an army of Persians? Compared to our ancestors, we are creatures of comfort – so much so that it is almost embarrassing. It’s like the meme, “Men used to fight wars,” and then here’s a picture of a schlubby man crushing a 30-rack of Bud Light, playing Fortnite, and gnoshing on DoorDash.
All men still want to be heroes, though. They want to feel like heroes to their family, wives and girlfriends, their community, and colleagues — it’s a very real feeling that will never die, even thousands of years from now. We want to slay the — metaphorical – dragon and rescue – the very real, very non-metaphorical — princess. If you asked 10 men if they would rather die peacefully asleep in a nursing home or die alongside their best homies fighting on a Taiwanese beach, 9/10 of them would pick the latter. Men crave purpose, and they crave validation, not on a superficial level, but on an existential one: they want to be valued for their ability to solve problems and fix things; they want to be appreciated for their physical daring and appetite to take risks. (Subscribe to MR. RIGHT, a free weekly newsletter about modern masculinity)
However, not all of us are destined to be heroes on some grand scale. Not all of us will win the Congressional Medal of Honor for jumping on a grenade and losing half our body. Not all of us will be cops or firefighters storming into a five-alarm fire and carrying out a pair of twin toddlers on their shoulders. Not all of us are going to cold-cock the armed robber pointing his handgun at the tear-soaked cashier.
But this is not to say we cannot be heroes through small deeds in daily life. Sometimes heroism is found in the places you would least expect. You can save the day, any day, and feel useful.
Unclogging the toilet for your wife? She will think you’re a hero. Driving to CVS in the middle of a blizzard to pick up a crucial prescription for your sick girlfriend? Heroic, in her eyes. Building your son a treehouse? You are a legend. Volunteering to help natural disaster victims clean up their backyards? You get the gist. (Subscribe to MR. RIGHT, a free weekly newsletter about modern masculinity)
Is this the heroism you read in the history books or see in the movies? Is this the classical definition of a hero? Of course not. But it will still make you feel heroic, like you did something useful, like you sacrificed your time, your sweat, and your tears, to selflessly improve another human’s life. No amount of money, no amount of social media followers, and no amount of praise from your boss, will ever beat the feeling of validation you get when you build, fix, and solve for the people you love most in life. When you rescue them, through small deeds, every day.
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