The Next James Bond Will Defy Traditions | The American Spectator

Waiting for the next “Bond, James Bond” is like waiting for Godot. Bond aficionados hope that Amazon, which, through its acquisition of MGM, now owns the content and distribution rights for the Bond franchise, will render salvation of this iconic, urbane secret agent, assuming that a Mag 7 colossus can resurrect the brilliant creation of Ian Fleming.

But not quite so fast. Bond’s future is now dependent upon the second-largest American corporation of the Fortune 500. Corporate bureaucracy and jargon could smother the renaissance of Bond, who was accustomed to having free rein and an infinite expense account in the pursuit of villains and anti-social miscreants. The question is whether a “giant corporation,” in the oft-repeated mantra of Senator Elizabeth Warren, can navigate the opaque world of espionage, said to be the world’s second-oldest profession. (RELATED: ‘No, Mr. Bond, I Expect You to Die.’)

First, a phalanx of enthusiastic brand managers in Seattle will ponder the essence of Bond and what emotions he evokes. They will review the meaning of espionage since Joshua, an early covert operative in the ancient world. Like at Starbucks, they may sit at bleached circular tables in the spirit of egalitarianism, pouring into monitors, and tapping away to create mission and vision statements. They will be festooned with wired and wireless devices, networking each other at close to the speed of light. Then they will review those statements in draft with multiple corporate and community constituencies — to assure that the next Bond will be “cool” but without the vast epicurean and sexual appetites of his cinematic forebears. (RELATED: Will This Director Save James Bond or Bury Him for Good?)

Second, the managers may produce verbose and cliché-ridden PowerPoint decks that address noble ideas such as delivering product excellence, meeting consumer needs, capitalizing on distribution prowess, applying cutting edge technology, leveraging Artificial Intelligence, doing a deep dive, ramping up the narrative, drilling down, shifting tectonic plates, differentiating competitively, going for low-hanging fruit, and achieving predominance. There will be meeting after meeting, resembling a close order drill, eventually liaising with gushing human resources staffers who are there to help — but actually impede product development by introducing concepts such as Bond’s emotional intelligence and the need for the elite Double-O section to show compassion, and not to disrespect the opposition.

Indeed, Bond will defy the traditions of a clandestine British operative — and moral relativism could define him. Brit-bashing will be in vogue, and America will be portrayed as the heir and assignee of the British Empire, a neocolonial mutant using multinational corporations and brutal tariffs instead of condescending colonialists. Dictators will be seen as gentle as the flower children of Woodstock, just misunderstood autocrats yearning to show their humanity. (RELATED: The End of Bond and Britain)

Bond will have a degree in gender and environmental studies, and as part of his vetting by MI6, the British foreign intelligence service, he will be required to submit compositions affirming progressive values to a review board with no experience in covert actions. The board will emphasize the preciousness of espionage and the cancel culture.

There will be no need for an Aston Martin DB5, as with Sean Connery in Goldfinger, or a BMW Z3 as with Pierce Brosnan in Golden Eye. In NATO and friendly nations, Bond will joyfully ride an electric scooter, nodding to passersby in a benevolent way, sometimes taking selfies and texting. In hostile environments, Bond will drive the familiar blue-gray Amazon electric delivery truck, armor-plated to withstand an AK-47 7.62 mm round. In either case, he will not observe stop signs and traffic signals, like so many today.

Every day will be casual day for Bond. His polyester baseball cap will be worn backwards, and his armoire will have an array of T-shirts with slogans that signal virtue. He will be more at ease in On Cloud sneakers designed in Switzerland than in the Crockett & Jones double buckle monk style Camberley English boot in black calf worn by Daniel Craig. Formal wear would mean a Patagonia fleece vest with a customized panda patch.

There will also be no need for a Chelsea flat off the King’s Road in London. Bond will commune with Nature and live in a tree house in the Cotswolds, not far from the Cheltenham-based Government Communications Headquarters (GCHQ), the high-tech signals intelligence (SIGINT) apparatus of Great Britain. MI6 will not need a “C,” or Chief of the Secret Intelligence Service. Rather, Bond will report daily to a chatbot to receive an intelligence briefing and instructions.

Bond will also have a second home — a garage in Cupertino, with an old corduroy sofa where he can wire into the world of East and West, stuffing himself on a giant plate of nachos with extra jalapeños — served in a bed of kale.

Bond will not be able to hold any opinions lest they offend someone, somewhere. There will also be no such thing as doing it for King and Country — rather, doing it for the chatbot.

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Frank Schell is a business strategy consultant and former senior vice president of the First National Bank of Chicago. He was a Lecturer at the Harris School of Public Policy, University of Chicago, and is a contributor of opinion pieces to various journals.