According to Keir Starmer, September marked the launch of ‘phase two’ of government. He claimed this meant a renewed focus on ‘delivery’ (what were they trying to do before?) with the appointment of Darren Jones as the first-ever ‘Chief Secretary to the Prime Minister’. In other words: ‘yet another reset, only this time Don’t-Know-Darren has a made-up new title’…
Four days after phase two began, the Deputy Prime Minister resigned. Six days after that, the Ambassador to the US was sacked. Another four days after that and Number 10’s Director of Strategy also quit. ‘It’s nice isn’t it? The quiet…’
Let’s take them one at a time. Angela Rayner resigned after ethics watchdog Laurie Magnus determined she had broken the ministerial code by underpaying stamp duty on her Brighton flat. Having spent most of her time in opposition calling for Tories to resign for so much as sneezing, Rayner had been hoisted by her own petard. She relinquished her many titles and returned to the backbenches to lick her wounds and plot Starmer’s downfall at a later date. Reshuffle time…
Ian Murray and Lucy Powell were sacked, much to the chagrin of both. Murray responded by telling the media how much it upset his wife, and Powell responded by winning the Deputy Leadership contest (more on that later). Shabana Mahmood became Home Secretary. David Lammy, who was assured he’d be Foreign Secretary for the whole Parliament, was demoted to Justice Secretary. They gave him the pointless ‘Deputy Prime Minister’ sweetener to keep him happy. It worked…
Once Starmer’s new ‘top team’ was in place, he sacked Peter Mandelson after Mandy’s ‘materially different’ relationship with Jeffrey Epstein emerged in leaked emails. Guido reported on the internal chaos in Number 10, with Morgan McSweeney blamed for backing Mandy so vigorously and leaving Starmer ‘exposed’. Phase two claimed its third scalp in two weeks with the resignation of top Starmer spinner Paul Ovenden. Somehow a few inconvenient text messages from 2017 made it into print…
With phase two already in a tailspin just weeks after launch, Number 10 decided it was a good time to announce mandatory digital ID cards despite making no mention of such plans in their manifesto. Practically half the cabinet was opposed to the idea before they got a red box, and at the time of going to pixel, nobody in Whitehall really knows how they might work or when they’ll be rolled out. It really was vintage Number 10 buffoonery…
In the ultimate act of noble self-sacrifice, Jeremy Corbyn and Zarah Sultana embarrassed themselves in what must have been a deliberate attempt to entertain Guido and all co-conspirators. Long story short: Sultana launched a coup, Jezza threatened legal action, Sultana called her own party a ‘sexist boys’ club’, and Jezza told all his supporters to cancel their direct debits. Guido thanks them both for the smiles they brought to the newsroom…
Free speech issues bubbled to the surface once again. Father Ted creator Graham Linehan was arrested at Heathrow by five armed officers over a series of gender critical tweets. It was an absurd spectacle, so of course Number 10 made a dog’s dinner of it by insisting it was “up to police to make operational decisions”… and that’s about it. Others were more vocal…
September was also the month Guido Fawkes relaunched for a new era, with a redesigned site and – for the very first time – the chance to help us blow up the Westminster circus by becoming a Guido member. Wait until you see what we’ve got in store for 2026. Get tomorrow’s news today by joining us here…
Honourable Mentions:
Lammy Accidentally Posts Embarrassing Draft Message on X
Labour’s New Policing Minister Worked With Campaign to Defund the Police
Everyone Ignores Ed Miliband at Labour Conference Event
Headline of the Month:
Starmer Calls Rayner an ‘Incredible Prime Minister’
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