Man Clogs Father-In-Law’s Toilet, Three-Hour Disaster Ensues

This post is adapted from Mr. Right’s weekly newsletter, which tackles modern manhood for normal guys in a not-normal world. If you have not already subscribed for free, please consider doing so here. Send your own questions to mrright@dailycaller.com to see them answered in forthcoming newsletters. 

Dear Mr. Right: A Crisis Of Clogging (And Confidence)

Mr. Right,

I was recently staying at my wife’s parents’ beach house to celebrate her birthday with some of her gal friends, and I accidentally clogged the toilet in the downstairs laundry room. It wasn’t your normal clog, however. This was a plumbing crisis, and I had never seen anything like it. The moment I flushed it was over. What started as a routine bathroom visit turned into a disaster. Water surged upward, breaching the toilet rim, the outer rim, the last line of defense for civilization. It looked like a dirty river in Mumbai. And on my wife’s birthday, I spent almost three hours trying to fix it and clean it all up, to no avail. I saw things and did things no man should ever see or do. And the worst part is her dad stopped by the following day to unclog it, but eventually had to call a plumber. I kid you not, the entire saga was probably the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. How do I recover from this? Do I need a lawyer or a PR team? Please help. 

–  Jack from North Carolina 

Dear Jack, 

Thank you for painting a rather vivid picture of your plumbing predicament, but please, spare me any more details. I beg of you. 

Take a deep breath. Like some dirty toilet water, flush away your troubles. Drain ‘em out to sea. There’s no use ruminating on an accident that was not entirely your making. Maybe the pipe was already clogged. Maybe you were just the sucker at the wrong toilet at the wrong time. 

Yes, it’s embarrassing. It is even emasculating. But guess what? It’s also a hilarious story. Whenever you know what hit the fan in my life, I came away from the bad or uncomfortable experiences with entertaining tales to tell.