Michael Moore rewrites the pledge-of-allegiance, includes pie for everyone

On today’s episode of ‘Things Nobody Asked For,’ filmmaker Michael Moore has done America the favor of rewriting the Pledge of Allegiance.

In a post from his Substack account, Moore couldn’t help but surround his call for unity with potshots at America’s “insanity” and the “MAGA-heads” that put President Donald Trump back into the White House.

“What if we all took a new pledge? For you. For me. For the people and for the country that deep down — in spite of its MAGA-heads, in spite of its insanity — we’ve decided to fight for its survival, holding onto a belief that we can make it better, that we can fix it, that we can end the madness and create a true Democracy for which it stands,” he wrote.

The pledge itself is just as cringey as you can imagine:

“I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE
TO THE PEOPLE
OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
AND TO THE DEMOCRACY
FOR WHICH WE ALL STAND:

ONE PERSON,
ONE VOTE,

ONE NATION,
PART OF ONE WORLD,

EVERYONE!
A SEAT AT THE TABLE!
EVERYONE!
A SLICE OF THE PIE!

WITH LIBERTY
AND JUSTICE,

EQUALITY
AND KINDNESS,

AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS
FOR ALL.”

Needless to say, X users had plenty of opinions on Moore’s unsolicited changes:

Like he’d ever have only 1 slice of the pie, gimme a break!

— Joe Sylva (@joesylva) June 4, 2025

Sorry. Not one world. We are a sovereign nation and not part of any global government.

— griffitovic (@griffitovic) June 4, 2025

Who does Moore think he is? A washed up Hollywood director? The founding fathers were very thoughtful, foresighted, insightful and embraced the sovereignty and providence of God.

— RoadLessTravelled (@RoadLess123) June 4, 2025

Was it just me, or am I the only one who noticed he made sure to include giving himself a slice of pie? Figures. Funny how this comes from a man who spews such hate and contempt for anyone who doesn’t think like him. smh

— cooks (@cooks612) June 4, 2025

NO. Request denied.

— Michael Lesko (@MichaelLesko9) June 4, 2025

Writer/Columnist

Sierra Marlee is a millennial whose hunger for the truth in a world of fake news has led her to BizPac Review.

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