ROOKE: It’s Finally Happening: Young Generation Apparently Discovers How To Parent Youngest Generation

This post is adapted from Mary Rooke’s weekly Good Life newsletter, which tackles navigating our modern culture and staying sane in the process. If you have not already subscribed, please consider doing so here. And don’t forget to share it with your friends and family! 

The Wall Street Journal profiled parents who are doing away with the “gentle parenting” method, saying they are taking a more hard-line approach to child-rearing. I know I have touched on this before, but after the article came out, I received several requests from people to share how I handle my own children. It won’t come as a surprise to any of you who have been reading my newsletter for a while that I firmly believe, with no regret, that “gentle parenting” ruins children.

One of the parents in the article said that after repeated attempts to get her 13-year-old son to stop spraying her with a water gun, she got up and pushed him into the pond. One of my friends asked if I am “pro” pushing a child into the pool when they annoy me, to which I responded: “If they can swim, yes.”

It’s not really about whether getting sprayed with water is annoying or not. It’s the act of defiance that is the main issue with behavior like that. Her son is 13. He is too old to be acting that way towards her. He should have stopped after the first request. If he continues to disregard your command, then he must be given a consequence. Period. If you allow them to disrespect you when they are little, they will continue to do it their entire life.

No amount of “Did you think about how that would make me feel when you kept spraying me?” is going to make your child care about stopping. That modern parenting style is why older generations complain that Gen Z adults are not prepared for life’s hardships, and why so many people have become anti-big families. (Sign up for Mary Rooke’s weekly newsletter here!)

Why would anyone want to be around children who haven’t been taught to be respectful of others, much less respectful of their parents? There is nothing harder than witnessing stressed-out parents trying to catch a tornado child, with gentle words and no follow-through. Every time I see it out, I think, grab that kid by the shirt, look him directly in the eyes, and let him know that what he is doing is wrong. When they don’t, I can’t help but shrug my shoulders and sigh at the missed opportunity.

Your kids are a product of your parenting. So there is something to be said that the positives of gentle parenting are that you don’t “get angry” at them. I was always told that you never parent your children in anger. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to be angry and disgusted with their behavior, especially when you know that their behavior is a direct reflection on you as a parent.

Still, that doesn’t mean that you can just be a jerk to them for the sake of being a jerk or because you have authority over them. Discipline is and should always be a consequence for bad behavior. And it is MUCH, MUCH better for them to learn that their actions have consequences within the safety of the parent-child relationship than it is with a stranger who does not love them and does not want the best for them.

A shift is under way that will be welcome news to people who are tired of tiptoeing around their children’s feelings.

Inside the FAFO parenting movement:

🔗 https://t.co/oCaBjLabok pic.twitter.com/7pxGdm7oXw

— The Wall Street Journal (@WSJ) July 29, 2025

We have just returned from a 10-day vacation, during which we visited sights in Washington, D.C., and spent time with family to celebrate my sister’s upcoming wedding. I took my girls everywhere I went. They toured the White House and almost every museum in the city. They visited my friends at work and ate at fine-dining restaurants as well as local pubs. The common denominator was that, even though they were averaging about nine miles a day walking and navigating the city, their behavior stayed the same no matter where we went. They were polite, courteous, and respectful of their surroundings.

This wasn’t an accident or a matter of pure luck. My husband and I never allowed them to just “figure it out.” They have had clear instructions and behavioral expectations since they were little. Bad behavior isn’t tolerated. But good behavior is highly praised. This is the balance.

Strict parenting has a bad reputation because people often view it as overly hard or harsh on children. But that is only true when you don’t follow correcting the bad behavior with love and safety. My kids respect me not because they are afraid of the consequences (although I will admit that is the surface-level reasoning).

They respect my authority because anytime they have done something wrong, I follow the same steps:

1. Immediately put a stop to the bad behavior. Allowing them to continue to act however they want solidifies in their mind that the behavior will be tolerated.

2. Explain why whatever they did was wrong and give them an expectation not only for next time but also for the rest of the time we are out. Doing this creates no ambiguity about what they need to do and what will happen if they don’t. But it needs to be done immediately. Waiting until later doesn’t have the same effect and is essentially a useless endeavor that leads to them repeating it.

3. Remind them that you love them. Ground them back into the safety of your family. Let them know that you are doing this for them because it will help them.

There are certain behaviors that I will never allow my children to do. I don’t let them to have tantrums. They can’t ignore or interrupt adults when they are speaking to them. My kids have to say “yes, sir,” “no, ma’am,” “yes, please,” and “no, thank you.” They aren’t allowed to get up from the table to run around a restaurant. And most of all, they are never allowed to talk back to an adult or be sarcastic.

Of course, there are other rules for etiquette and behavior, but these are the basic ones that will keep them out of trouble, no matter where we are.

The issue I find with most gentle parenting advocates is that they genuinely believe they are raising kinder and more compassionate children by never disciplining them. Somehow, because they never said “no” to Sally, instead just redirecting her behavior, it means that when she gets older, she won’t harbor resentment or anger towards others. They also raise their children to be their peers, which blurs the line between parent and child. (ROOKE: There Aren’t A Lot Of Things That Surprise Me These Days But One Mother’s Parenting Style Takes The Cake)

However, what these parents are missing is that by parenting in this way, their children will never see them as someone they should honor and respect. Additionally, their children are forced to navigate new situations without any guidance at ages when their emotional maturity is too underdeveloped to understand that everyone around them finds them rude and annoying. And when they grow up, it will be too late to change, because the destructive behaviors have become a concrete part of their personality and how they process their environment. In short, these parents are setting their children up for failure.

I will always be the first to admit that I am not a perfect parent. I have made mistakes and will continue to make them because all humans are flawed. But I know that when I leave my children at a birthday party or when they attend school, they have a clear list of mental instructions to use when navigating any situation. It’s not something they have to guess about. I would never want them to go out into the world unprepared. Gentle parenting is like throwing your child into shark-infested waters with chum hanging from their neck and gloves on their hands. They’ll be eaten alive.

However, with everything, being a no-nonsense parent requires a certain amount of grace. You should never demonize or emotionally wound your children to make a point. It should always be from a place of love and setting them up for success.

In my experience, parenting this way has made my children trust my word and my instincts. My teenage daughter comes to me for advice because she knows I want to help her achieve the best outcome in any situation.

That’s the product you are looking for: Trust. Respect. Love.

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