The Far Left Hates Big Balls

This post is adapted from Mr. Right’s weekly newsletter, which tackles modern manhood for normal guys in a not-normal world. If you have not already subscribed for free, please consider doing so here. 

A group of teenage jackals attempted to carjack DOGE staffer Edward Coristine, known in this neck of the woods as “Big Balls,” on Sunday in the nation’s capital. 

It was a savage attack and left Coristine bloodied. 

But that night Coristine earned his nickname, a moniker that comes with big responsibility. 

Ex-DOGE staffer nicknamed ‘Big Balls’ left bloodied after savage DC carjacking attempt by 10 juveniles https://t.co/8eeBskyQV3 pic.twitter.com/lptDo5hHVI

— New York Post (@nypost) August 6, 2025

According to the police report, Coristine was with a female companion. As the carjackers approached them, Coristine thought on his feet and pushed the lady into the car before taking the whole brunt of the beating by himself. 

Coristine was not only brave; he was incredibly smart. Had the girl been left out in the open, who knows what could have happened? And whatever would have happened would not have been good.   (Subscribe to MR. RIGHT, a free weekly newsletter about modern masculinity)

I have two takeaways from this story. 

We should all aspire to act like Big Balls if, Heaven forbid, we find ourselves in such a hellish scenario. Unless he was Liam Neeson from Taken, he was never going to fight off all of his attackers, even if they were teenagers. But he did what was most necessary: protect the damsel at all costs. 

The second takeaway is more political. 

A few days ago, a gang of about a dozen young men tried to assault a woman in her car at night in DC.

A @Doge team member saw what was happening, ran to defend her and was severely beaten to the point of concussion, but he saved her.

It is time to federalize DC. pic.twitter.com/RPHKj7J3ti

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) August 5, 2025

Left-wingers hate Big Balls and people like him. 

Coristine broke into government service at DOGE without having to suffer through the left’s credentialing machine. He didn’t have a bogus degree or some fluffy think tank internship on his resume; he won on merit. The liberal press also mocked him for his lack of experience. However, if I were looking to hire someone to pull the levers of government, I’d sooner take a teen who thinks fast in a life-threatening situation than any middling wannabe bureaucrat.  

They also loathe Coristine because he is a normal white man who proved their entire narrative wrong. The far-left wants everyone to believe white men are villains responsible for every problem in the world. But, as it turns out, Coristine is a selfless hero, not just for his contributions to DOGE and the American taxpayer.

And let’s be real. How would a liberal react in Coristine’s situation? Your average D.C. resident probably would have tried to reason with the carjackers and mention that they voted for Kamala Harris. 

We all know how that would’ve ended…