The Top Five Number Of Beers To Drink On Independence Day 

This post is adapted from Mr. Right’s weekly newsletter, which tackles modern manhood for normal guys in a not-normal world. If you have not already subscribed, please consider doing so here. 

Chances are you’ll cut loose and have a couple of adult libations this weekend to celebrate America’s founding. I’m breaking down the top five quantities of beer to drink while you kick it at the beach, grill, or watch fireworks. We start with the number you ought to avoid if you aren’t a Hunter Biden-level degenerate: 

5.) 10+ beers. There is a reason this range is dead last. Nothing good ever comes of it. After a certain number of drinks, 7-8 usually, the buzz does not improve. The night does not improve. Your chances with the girl do not improve. Meanwhile, your hangover the next day only gets worse and worse and worse with each drink over this threshold. Many of us have learned the hard way. We’ve paid the price with brain-splitting headaches, seasick spins, and 3 a.m. Taco Bell orders. Unless you’re in Vegas, it’s never worth it. On a day like the Fourth of July, avoid this danger zone at all costs. (Subscribe to MR. RIGHT, a weekly newsletter about modern masculinity)

4.) 0-1. We are in DD territory here, the land of unsung heroes. It’s not fun at all, and it’s not sexy, but it’s certainly not the worst number, either. As someone who has DD’d before, there’s nothing quite like being the only sober one in a pack of hammered individuals. They are a different species of human. They are speaking a different language. They occupy a different reality in the space-time continuum. If you DD, however, you’ll wake up the next morning feeling good, both physically and spiritually, while your debauched friends sleep until noon then slither around all day like vampires, only crawling out into the sunlight to pick up their Uber Eats delivery.

The greatest beer ever brewed, 7.5% juicy IPA that will strike you like a flaming hot bolt of lightning pic.twitter.com/robSFLoQv2

— Mr. Right (@mrrightdc) February 8, 2025

3.) 7-8 beers. This range requires a delicate touch. You don’t want to mess around. It could burn you. You need to treat it with respect. You might be reading this and say, “7-8 beers? That’s nothing. I’m not a lightweight.” It doesn’t seem like a ton, true. But you are toeing a fine line between having a legendary time and turning into Joe Biden on his infamous debate night a year ago: pale, sweaty, wobbly, confused. You want the confidence to jump into the middle of the dance circle and burn rubber without a care in the world, but you don’t want to be Sloppy Joe. No one likes a Sloppy Joe, especially the ladies. It’s a huge no-no. If you are shooting for this range, the key is food. You need to eat enough before, during, or after drinking those 7-8, otherwise you are heading toward Joe Biden levels of incoherence. 

2.) 2-3 beers. Coming in at a close second, this number of brewskies is the range you’ll want to hit if you are hanging at the family BBQ but have bigger plans later in the night. In this range, you might feel a slight jingle, depending on how much food you eat, but you won’t be as buzzed as 4-5. But that’s totally fine. That’s the goal. This range is what we call a social lubricant. It allows for small talk to flow more naturally. After 2-3 light beers, you will not hesitate inquiring about your father-in-law’s new grill, or finding common ground with your “pansexual” cousin who just finished “their” first semester at Barnard. (Subscribe to MR. RIGHT, a weekly newsletter about modern masculinity)

1.) 4-5 beers. The best range. Whether you’re manning the grill or swinging the golf sticks, at this level, you will be having a blast yet still feel dialed in. You won’t set the Weber on fire, and you won’t botch those three-foot par putts. You’ll absolutely cook. If you’re at a bar, this range is going to give you the confidence to approach the ladies, test out a new pick-up line, and secure the phone number – without the major downsides of black-out inebriation. Toss in an ALP, and you’ll be as charismatic as Donny T.