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Wait … WHAT? USSS Whistleblower Tells Josh Hawley Biden Used to Get Lost In His Own Closet – Twitchy

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May 31, 2025
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Wait ... WHAT? USSS Whistleblower Tells Josh Hawley Biden Used to Get Lost In His Own Closet – Twitchy

We’re not sure how to break this news to everyone, but it appears that there is a strong possibility that the 46th President of the United States may have had the mental acuity of a small soap dish.





We’ve heard — and seen — some doozies about Biden in the time since he left the Oval Office, but even we are having a hard time believing our ears after the latest Biden news from Senator Josh Hawley. 

Appearing last night on Fox News, Hawley noted how many whistleblowers from the United States Secret Service he has been talking to about the assassination attempts on Donald Trump last summer. The lack of disclosure from law enforcement about those attempts is scandalous, and we hope Hawley can bring some sunlight to the issue. 

But it was when he pivoted from Trump to Biden that we nearly spit up our drink laughing in disbelief. Watch: 

OK, we’re sure the White House residence has some pretty big closets, but … WHAT? 

Was he trapped in there with R. Kelly? Was he traveling to Narnia to visit Mr. Tumnus? Maybe searching for more of Hunter’s cocaine? 

What the actual hell?

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Jadis, the White Witch, must have promised him a lot of Turkish Delight. 

FilmLadd had another hilarious take on the story, with some brilliantly spun narrative text: 

… and the walls seemed to shift, until Joe, bewildered as a child, found himself turning in circles, unable to discern the way back to the familiar light of the Executive Residence. Time stretched on, as if under a spell, until the appearance of a kind usher – otherwise known as a Secret Service agent.

Softly and quickly the usher guided him out, restoring him to the warmth of the world he knew, filled with the smell of children’s hair and soft ice cream.

LOL. Outstanding. 

Well, that makes sense. Biden is as old as the Ark of the Covenant, after all. 





We suppose we could ALL get lost in our closet if we spent too much time hanging out with Hunter the night before. 

OK, that’s gross, but let’s face it. We all know it’s true, too. 

HA. 

This is not the first time Biden has been compared to a Roomba. 

Still hilarious. 

And still a gigantic indictment of the Democrat Party, Democrat voters, the media, and everyone in Congress and the previous administration who knew and didn’t say anything. 

And if it hadn’t been for one disastrous debate, they would have let him remain at the top of the ticket. 

And they would have kept lying about him, 

Can we get a statement from Joe Scarborough to see if he still thinks this was the ‘best Biden ever’? 





Frankly, he was barely even that on most days. 

In Jake Tapper’s book, where he and Alex Thompson try to absolve themselves and the rest of the media of any blame, Tapper notes that he first began noticing some problems with Biden around 2023. 

Leaving aside the fact that Tapper then proceeded to cover for Biden’s senility for another whole year, where was he during the FIRST three years of Biden’s presidency? 

They knew. They all knew. And they lied to us without even blinking once. 

But hey. At least Joe Biden got to spend four years in the White House having marvelous adventures with Aslan, Father Christmas, and the Pevensie children. 

That was probably fun for him. 


Editor’s Note: The Democrat Party has never been less popular as voters reject its globalist agenda.

Help us continue exposing Democrats’ plans to lead America down a dangerous path. Join Twitchy VIP and use promo code FIGHT to get 60% off your membership.





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