Why Would You Tell Your Kids About Your Sex Addiction?

There are genuinely difficult ethical dilemmas in parenting. Whether to inform your children about your “sex addiction” is not one of them. The answer, obviously, of course, is “NO.”

That answer was not immediately apparent to one New York Times Magazine (NYT) reader, who wrote to the magazine’s advice newsletter seeking guidance. 

“My wife and I are trying to make an ethical decision about truth-telling within our family. We’ve been married for decades and have two teenage children. For most of our marriage, I lived a double life driven by compulsive sexual behavior that escalated over time. My wife discovered evidence of it a few years ago. The discovery shattered her trust and nearly ended our marriage,” writes the anonymous sex addict. “Our children are doing well — happy, engaged, thoughtful teenagers on positive trajectories. They know their parents’ marriage has been under strain and that we’ve been in therapy; they do not know the nature of the betrayal, the addiction or our recovery. They experience our family as secure and loving.” (RELATED: ‘Obviously, Sex Sells’: Daily Caller Reveals Dark Side Of Digital Pornography) 

They continue:

“My wife and I struggle with whether we have a moral obligation to tell our kids the truth about what happened — not in graphic detail, but in substance. My wife worries that withholding such a significant fact becomes an ongoing deception that could undermine trust if they ever learned of it from another source. I worry that telling them would burden them with an adult trauma that doesn’t belong to them, destabilize their sense of identity and cause cascading harm at a developmentally sensitive time — and also that it would damage my bond with them, perhaps beyond repair.”

This man should trust his instincts. I question whether his wife has their children’s best interests in mind. I suspect — whether she’s aware of it or not — that she may be motivated by a spirit of revenge. 

Probably not pic.twitter.com/Hs5zxv7ga6

— Natalie Sandoval (@NatSandovalDC) March 16, 2026

The man continues: “Do parents owe teenage children the truth about a betrayal that profoundly shaped the family, even if disclosure risks causing harm that secrecy has so far avoided? And if some disclosure is ethically required, what does responsible disclosure look like in practice?”

No, parents do not “owe” their children details about their sex life. 

The NYT Magazine advice columnist writes, “Transparency can be an important value, but it isn’t the only thing of value, and more of it isn’t always better.” Correct. He advises the anonymous sex addict to “decide what level of specificity you think is appropriate to provide ‘substance,’” noting that “the continuum of disclosure doesn’t come marked with perforated lines. ‘There was a breach of trust’ is substance. ‘I was unfaithful’ is substance. ‘How many women? I’ve lost count’ — also substance.” (RELATED: Former Addict Explains Why Porn Consumption Is Running Rampant) 

I would warn against any sort of “substance” approaching, “Hey kids, dad visited a very special massage parlor last month.” 

Rather, this man should take his cues from the Irish. As comedian John Mulaney once explained, “Irish people, they don’t tell you a thing. Irish people keep it so bottled up. Like you know, the plan with Irish people is like, ‘I’ll keep all my emotions right here … and then one day I’ll die.‘”

Follow Natalie Sandoval on X: @NatSandovalDC